


Maybe

by Crazymuggleinthestruggle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazymuggleinthestruggle/pseuds/Crazymuggleinthestruggle
Summary: "Maybe, he wanted to kill Peter because Remus could no longer look Sirius straight in the eye, and whenever he did, there was fear and doubt. Maybe, Sirius just wanted to scream at Peter, show him what he had done. Show him that Remus no longer trusted him. That Harry didn't feel safe in his own home because his aunt and uncle treated him like a freak."
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Here are my 3 am ramblings for y'all!

It was certainly too late for him to be awake. But, wasn't sleeplessness the one thing common amongst the members of The Order of the Phoenix? 

Maybe not everyone, Sirius's brain helpfully provided. He could hear Remus's steady breathing, which was proof enough that he was fast asleep.

Ever since Sirius had been driven out of his house by the evil hag that was his mum, Remus was the first person to love him _despite_ his self destructive habits. Of course, James loved him too. But, James loved him _because_ of his self destructive habits. Because, Sirius was the only person who helped James accomplish whatever new and absurd goal he had assigned to himself that week.

Thank Merlin for Lily, or James would have been dead many years ago. Lily was probably the only person who could even come close to understanding what he went through with his mum. Sirius had somehow manage to become friends with Lily way back in the fifth year (maybe because that was when he started dating Remus), even though, James liked to pretend that this was a figment of his imagination. Lily was the only person who could make him feel better whenever he got another horrible letter from his mum. 

Harry. Sirius's beautiful, amazing, magical (quite literally) godson, Harry. He loved him more than anything. He still remembered the day when James asked him if he would like to be Harry's godfather, like it was yesterday. Sirius would do anything to keep Baby Prongs safe and alive, and that was probably why he had agreed to do what he was about to do in a few hours.

It had been April when Dumbeldore had approached the Marauders. (yes, they still called themselves that. It reminded them of much simpler times. So sue them for hanging onto a shred of hope) Dumbeldore was certain that Voldy would come after Lily's unborn child and the only way for James and Lily to be safe was to go into hiding, protect their house with a Fidelus charm and give their address to only a handful of people in the Order. It hadn't even taken a minute for James and Lily to decide that their secret keeper would be Sirius. Sirius had obviously agreed in a heartbeat. That night, he thought how making him the secret keeper was kind of obvious. It hadn't mattered to him then. He was ready to die if it meant that James's family would be safe.  
4 months later, just a few days after the beautiful James 2.0 (with Lily's eyes) had been born and they had been celebrating life amongst all the death, that they received the news of one more death. An Order member who had been under the Fidelus charm. More importantly, an Order member whose address was only known to the Marauders and Dumbeldore. Even though, no one said it, Sirius could see that everyone had started suspecting Remus of turning against the Order and becoming a spy for Voldy's smelly cult. After all, werewolves were Voldy's most trusted followers. Sirius couldn't muster up much anger towards the members. Trust was fleeting in these uncertain times.

Sirius, however, was sure of Remus's innocence. Voldy's cult of werewolves were asshats who thought biting children was a good way to keep themselves busy. But, not Remus. No, Remus wasn't like that. Remus was the human embodiment of chocolates, tea, books and old - people cardigans. He knew that the Potters along with Peter were convinced of Remus's innocence and that was all that mattered.  
The next day, however, Dumbeldore approached him with a proposal that left him spluttering indignantly and the logical part of his brain thinking belatedly that he should have expected it. Dumbeldore wanted Sirius to switch as the secret keeper with Peter, since nobody would think of him. The fact that Dumbeldore thought Remus was only dating him to get close to him and provide valuable information about the Potters to Voldy's smelly cult went unsaid, but, heavily implied. They hadn't been providing Remus with most of the information for quite a long time, after all. Dumbeldore, then, played his best trump card. The Harry card. Sirius was forced to give in after that. 

That night, while battling insomnia, Sirius thought, "Remus probably suspects something's going to happen tomorrow, he certainly isn't stupid"  
But, that night? That night, he just wanted to cuddle up next to his boyfriend and try to get some sleep before Remus went on a long, secret, horrible undercover mission with the smelly werewolves on Dumbeldore's orders and came back with a few more scars than the last time. Before Sirius had to start lying to him until the end of war. So, that night, that's exactly what he did. 

The next day when he was performing the switch with Peter, he could only think about how Remus would look at Sirius with sad eyes when he finally got to know about the switch. How Sirius would slowly kiss away all of Remus's hurt and sadness. How they would never have to lie to each other ever again. How they would be able to live a normal life very soon.  
~

When Sirius saw the Potters dead, and the dainty cottage in ruins, he thought, maybe not all will be alright now. Maybe, Remus will die believing that he really did betray his best friend and his wife, the only person who could with make him feel better whenever he got another horrible letter from his mum. 

People believed that Sirius went after Peter to kill him for betraying his friend and his wife. Maybe that was true. Or maybe, Sirius went after him because Peter destroyed the very foundation of his newfound family. 

People believed that Sirius laughed when he was charged for the murder of 13 people because Peter, stupid, naive, dumb Peter had successfully fooled everyone. But, _maybe,_ just maybe, Sirius laughed at the utter ridiculousness of it all. The fact that Remus would never know about the switch, the fact that Remus would be shunned by the very same society for which he went on extremely dangerous missions, the fact that in the span of a single day Remus would not only lose his boyfriend and his best friends, but also the beautiful Pronglet.  
~ 

Maybe when Sirius saw Peter after 13 years, he wanted to kill him because he was the one responsible for the abuse that Harry had gone through under the care of his aunt and uncle after Peter had helped in killing his parents. Or maybe, he wanted to kill him because Remus could no longer look Sirius straight in the eye, and whenever he did, there was fear and doubt. Maybe, Sirius just wanted to scream at Peter, show him what he had done. Show him that Remus no longer trusted him. That Harry didn't feel safe in his own home because his aunt and uncle treated him like a freak. That Voldemort might once again wreak havoc on everyone's life just because Peter had been spineless 13 years ago.

Sirius had always, _always_ had some shred of hope and maybe he wanted to kill Peter because he had taken that hope from Sirius forever. Snatched it right out of his life. Made it impossible for him to believe in a happy ending and any dream of a normal life with Remus by his side and Harry under their guardianship. 

Maybe, in the end, Sirius didn't want to _kill_ Peter because as much as he hated being locked up in his mother's horrible house, Remus was always there beside him. Remus, who had started looking at Sirius with much more trust and hope.

And even though, people believe it was Bellatrix, it had actually been Remus whose was the last face Sirius ever saw before dying.


End file.
